SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

According to a quick google search, women can get trich via non-sexual transmission if they share things like damp towels or… bath water. But for that to happen, somebody else with trich needs to get the microscopic nasties on the towel or share the bath water. Both of those things seem unlikely to have happened.

I had it once when I was 18. I got it from another woman during a threesome, and the symptoms (horrific itching and pain) showed up exactly 28 days later, which is the maximum amount of time it can take. I don’t know if that information is helpful at all to you when examining your timeline or not, but I thought I’d mention it. Sorry you were exposed to that.

Ghostie: I’ve read the same thing. It is likely that WW got intimate with the friend she was visiting or were sharing toys or… who knows. I do know that non sexual trich contraction is really rare.

The biggest issue for me as a BH is that she is deceiving me again. Meeting with a divorce coach and found she is gathering financial statements. She has always said if we split, she would like a collaborative process. That’s only possible if she isn’t lying and going around my back.

I think this is over. I’m going to see if we can at least start a non-contentious divorce.

I think this is over. I’m going to see if we can at least start a non-contentious divorce.

Hope for the best, but ABSOLUTELY prepare for the worst.

Sorry for all you’ve gone thru. I just feel compelled to comment on your MC. It seems like from your writing that you regard an MC like an unbiased expert guide. I think that is a reasonable expectation, but it is often way way off. I experienced similar things with MC’s, they all seemed more sympathetic to my WW than me. Yours seems particularly egregious. Sisoon was correct, worse than incompetent. A small number of people here have said that a really good MC helped by holding the wayward accountable to stop the DARVO bullshit. The rest of us got buried deeper by therapists doing exactly the wrong things. Most of them aren’t prepared for a victim/abuser dynamic, they want to assume equal fault and work on tools. That doesn’t work at all with infidelity. Recommend in the strongest terms stopping those sessions with that MC.

I’ve been thinking through several of the themes that the MC has articulated. "This isn’t a type of abuse." "You have both been through so much." I think MC is approaching the marriage as needing communication tools and fixes instead of infidelity repair and reconciliation.

This is why MC is advised against in most cases, and the BS learns the hard way in most cases.

Now you too can join us in not recommending MC to the BS.

The MC assumes (for whatever reason?) that the WS is telling the truth and just looking to be understood. When you put an abuser and the abused on equal footing like that, it just turns into victim blaming and retraumatization.

Imagine an MC asking you to be nicer to your wife in a conflict to stop her from hitting you and that she only hits you because she doesn't felt heard...

To most MCs, anything is just a matter of better communication. That only works if you are both honest and both working towards a better marriage for both of you. If one person is willing to lie and is working towards whatever benefits them the most, they will basically be able to weaponize MC and the tools against you.

Reading your posts here just now clearly, and I mean very clearly, shows the marriage has been over for a long time. Every single thing you've written supports that reality.

I admire you looking out for your kids but to do that long term you also need to look out for yourself and set them a good example that they should be nobody's doormat when they get older. Please seize the initiative ASAP. It will help your self esteem as well as your outcome in what is to come. If you taking control shocks her back to the marriage, which it does sometimes, you can decide what to do then. But from what you've shared, she's been fully checked out and only the inertia produced by her busy schedule is keeping her there at all.