Everything is not as it seems

It's been a long while since I've posted, but had one of the biggest triggers since I've healed. It's been years, but this one pushed me right over the edge.
Fww and I have been comfortable for years. Probably not true R by most definitions but mostly and usually cordial. Then a sucker punch...
My fww fancied arrogant and domineering men, which I am the complete opposite. I was always the nonconfrontational one almost to the point of being cowardly because she never stopped them and seemingly was having fun so my intervention seemed pointless as she didn't want me to intervene. A few years after d-day something changed with me and I made it perfectly clear that I would never put my tail between my legs ever again. I haven't always cared for her behavior around other men since, but I was usually able to arrive at the conclusion it was just her personality and nothing to worry about. She works around a lot of other guys and there is one in particular that I just don't trust. I'll keep out the other details, but I came across some video footage of him talking some serious smack. I don't think anything happened, but when I confronted fww she said I was over reacting and he was just joking. I went full tilt off the rails and wanted to go to her work and confront him directly and "let the cards fall where they may". It was her reaction to mine that made me trigger so hard. She started defending him and said it was sweet that I wanted to defend her. That's not it though. She didn't want to confront him as if that was welcomed behavior. When I explained that his actions were disrespectful to me, she got pissed. That in turn made my blood boil and I explained why. She's still pissed at me because I triggered and believes my hurt feelings were unwarranted. She was trying to reassure me that there is nothing going on between them but I told her that it was her accepting behavior to his behavior and her protecting him instead of me that hurt. She doesn't understand and thinks I'm just being an ass. I told her that I will never be a coward to another man that wants to talk smack. I'd rather he send me to ER than turn my back. She stopped talking to me.

Am I off my rocker?

9 comments posted: Saturday, December 6th, 2025

Just need someplace to vent...

I haven't posted in years with my own troubles, but I can't seem to tell if my fww's attitude over the last several months are some sort of depression or another A, or desire to A. I had to ask her and it wasn't well received. She insisted that she is not A or pre-A. I have no proof to the contrary other than an eerily similar attitude that I haven't seen in years. There are a few random pics of male coworkers and I have put my guard down over the years but I didn't suspect any unhealthy relationships.

She apologized for everything she has ever done to hurt me and wishes she could be a better person but it is followed by sulking and then right back to a constant and uncomfortable arrogance. I suggested she see a physician or a therapist but she declines. Then I asked her if we could go to MC. She said we already tried that so she didn't think it would do any good. That was more than 10 years ago so I was very perplexed.

I know I need to do either IC and/or MC. I feel like I need to make MC a condition of M vs D. I don't want to spend my golden years sick to my stomach. I don't think she is in an A, but my gut tells me she is full-on pre-A. I'd rather D than live like this.

I don't know that I have any questions, I just needed someplace safe to vent. I have no one IRL to discuss this and just needed to be heard. Thanks for listening. I wish all of you peace as you navigate your relationships.

4 comments posted: Friday, September 6th, 2024

Verizon - Family Locator > does it work?

I am considering using the verizon family locator feature as a gps tracker. It costs $10/month, which would be ok if I knew it would work and show location with reasonable resolution (like within at least a few blocks). Also, does it send a notification to all the phones on my plan when the feature is added?

The target phone is an LG Extrovert. It says it is GPS capable and the location feature is enabled, but I know of no other way to utilize this feature.

Any comments/help appreciated.

ETA: I am the account owner and I have an android OS smartphone.

[This message edited by joeboo at 12:57 PM, August 20th (Monday)]

5 comments posted: Monday, August 20th, 2012