SatyaMom (original poster member #83919) posted at 11:32 AM on Monday, August 4th, 2025
We are working towards reconciliation….hes in 12 step and has consistently been seeing a therapist…I believe he’s "doing the work" maybe it’s slower than I’d like but self awareness takes time and healing take time. . Id love to to hear from others what healthy boundaries were set for reconciliation.
Relapse? (Porn)
Lying by omission?
Not practicing self care ?
What were "Yellow light" things and what were " red light " things and what were the boundaries/consequences set. I’m working in this for myself. I hope this makes sense- I think it will to those who have done this sort of work
Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 3:45 PM on Monday, August 4th, 2025
Oversimplified - if you wouldn't want me doing it to/with someone [weather anyone knows or not] you shouldn't be doing it either.
In other words be a responsible monogamous adult.
I'm his wife. Not his parent, teacher, warden, or clergy. He's my husband - act like it.
At this stage of the game - there is no "yellow". You either good/"green" or red flag. Nothing in-between.
BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decades-2 adult children. Multiple DDays w/same LAP until I told OBS 2018- Cease & Desist sent spring 2021 "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 4:05 PM on Monday, August 4th, 2025
For me it was honesty. I stayed as long as she was honest with herself, with me, and with others. I expected myself to impose consequences if she was dishonest, but I was never tested by dishonesty, for which I am very grateful.
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
